I am not a religious person. I never could bring myself to believe in big brother up above watching and waiting to reward or punish. I all too often get no reward for good deeds and about as often get away with certified evil. It doesn't add up.
But I understand the need to be religious - to believe in a thing higher than yourself. Infact, I some times cap a religious feel. In those moments when I am tongue tied with gratitude for a substantial gain in my life, I quickly invent or borrow the God of Israel and thank him for the blessing. In the thin hour when I have tried everything I can but failure still remains eminent, I ask the Lord to take over. Even in that moment, I don't believe that God of Israel exists and cares about my little world's valleys and hills. But then again, I never objectively believed myself to be drowning in a pair of eyes yet I have quite a few times successful convinced a guy and myself that was the case.
Today is one of those days when I chose to pray. I pray because it is 1am and a dull pain lies idling in my chest. I know not where it comes from, why it comes and when it intends to leave. Does it intend to leave at all? I pray because if I don't make believe that someone or something bigger than myself can take control of the situation, I just might take matters into my own hands. I will pray for no one likes the sight of bloodied hands.
