I am not a religious person. I never could bring myself to believe in big brother up above watching and waiting to reward or punish. I all too often get no reward for good deeds and about as often get away with certified evil. It doesn't add up.
But I understand the need to be religious - to believe in a thing higher than yourself. Infact, I some times cap a religious feel. In those moments when I am tongue tied with gratitude for a substantial gain in my life, I quickly invent or borrow the God of Israel and thank him for the blessing. In the thin hour when I have tried everything I can but failure still remains eminent, I ask the Lord to take over. Even in that moment, I don't believe that God of Israel exists and cares about my little world's valleys and hills. But then again, I never objectively believed myself to be drowning in a pair of eyes yet I have quite a few times successful convinced a guy and myself that was the case.
Today is one of those days when I chose to pray. I pray because it is 1am and a dull pain lies idling in my chest. I know not where it comes from, why it comes and when it intends to leave. Does it intend to leave at all? I pray because if I don't make believe that someone or something bigger than myself can take control of the situation, I just might take matters into my own hands. I will pray for no one likes the sight of bloodied hands.
You know the part about good deeds=rewards and vice versa and it not adding..I feel frustrated that way sometimes but there is a certain uplift, relief one gets when they offload all their problems even for 2 minutes on the shoulders of another especially a higher power, I for one know that God works in mysterious ways but by all means, offload all the issues on Him...plus this is really a good piece
ReplyDeletesometimes the little faith we have adds up to mountains of achievement and am sure when ever you reach out there is hope and fulfillment. well the God of Israel does exist and whenever u borrow his wisdom and assistance he can never forsake you ....love u gal and miss you
ReplyDeleteFaith is where your knowledge ends and let us face it, our knowledge is limited. For me, the choice to believe is a choice based on my limited nature and His limitless nature.
ReplyDeleteAnd how can you know and understand if you never seek Him.
Feel better friend. And seek Him.
You all realise this is me being creative right? I don't pray. When I have issues I write. Write fantasies about praying which I can't bring myself to do. I am still broken in that way.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you. You will be fine.
ReplyDeleteThere is a tone of seriousness in the "I will pray for no one likes the sight of bloodied hands" line. Surely this sounds more than just a fantasy
ReplyDeleteThanks Steven. But I am fine. Really. Next time I will go easy on the morbidness.
ReplyDeleteYou can't even do "Our Father?"... ;)
ReplyDelete