I just read yet another piece celebrating the quiet
feminist. The privately strong woman who fixes her light bulbs, changes her car
tires and achieves her own but doesn’t disturb the peace with all that
agitation about women’s rights, equality and all that other brass stuff.
Lately, I have read so much about this kind of feminist that I was beginning to
feel a little ashamed of my own taste in feminists. I have always favoured the
loud, disruptive Tamales and Kimbugwes over my next door privately independent
woman. Then, on a facebook thread debating the current marriage and divorce
bill, a woman arrogantly proclaimed, “I am not a feminist and I will never be.”
That statement just made me snap. Really?! How far are we going to rescind
before we are back to square zero thanking our husbands for loving us enough to
beat us?
So this hear, is to say, I am done and tired of apologetic
feminism. This is to sing a loud bellowing ‘ole ‘ole to that loud, disruptive
feminist who earned my equality and other freedoms. This is to send a
resounding slap across the face of that quietly independent woman. Get off your
ass and help a girl become what someone else earned for you.
Yes, there are strong and wonderfully independent women in
the world whose children should sing their praises. I like to think I am one of
them. But does being an independent woman necessarily earn one the right to be
decorated feminist? I think not. Unless we are willing to equate a repaired
shoe to the cobbler who mended it, that quietly independent woman is a product
of feminism but not a feminist herself. Unless of course she does something
that actually reduces the disadvantage at which women in her society stand.
You see, we trivialize feminism when we interpret it as
being merely about our individual lifestyles and self-esteem. “Oh, see I am a
feminist. I fix my own light bulbs. I can change a tire.” If that was what
feminism was about, we would have shored ages ago considering how easy it is to
change a bulb. But it isn’t about you and yourself esteem. Instead, feminism is up again some major obstacles
that litter our systems and laws. Things that actually kill women. Forget about
dirtying your designer blouse as you change tires. These are things that we cannot put to an end
simply by having a high self-esteem. Consider that upto 100 women in this
country are murdered by their spouses each year. Now, how does the slactivism
of plugging your own plumbing change that?
The thing that most saddens me when I read about this sweet
humble feminist is that invariably she is compared to the disruptive system
warrior. Apparently she deserves as much praise as Sylivia Tamale or Miria
Matembe. Are you kidding me? To change the reality of women she will never even
meet, Tamale puts in all the law and research hours it requires. Matembe takes all
the public ridicule to her femininity that it takes. FIDA lawyers publically
shed tears over the delay a domestic relations bill they probably don’t need
themselves. In so doing, they change national policy and perspective and
thereby shift the meter for women’s wellbeing. Do you really think that is the equivalent of
your mother raising you? Well my dear, unless your mama’s quite strength has
the charisma and circumstance of Mahatma Gandhi’s it is unlikely to change much
for anyone except you. Meanwhile, another 40,000 women will die this year
procuring an unsafe abortion because a government dominated by men and privileged
women continues to de-prioritise contraceptive care.
So fix all the light bulbs you want but in my book, you are
not a feminist until you are doing something to better the lives of women
beyond you.
